This year, I have been learning how communication and love grow together. Yes, you heard me right. Grow Together.
What is Love?
First, let’s get an understanding of love. The dictionary characterizes love as having a deep feeling of affection and attachment. This definition is great and can set the stage for some amazing relationships, but what happens when life beats your feelings up? When your burning hot feelings for someone become lukewarm.
The problem with this definition of love is that you become subject to your feelings, and we all know our feelings can be “some-timey” and deceiving.
I will admit that acting opposite of your tepid feelings is challenging, but it is definitely possible.
To accomplish deeper relationships, loving someone must become something you do regardless of how you feel.
Love becomes an active decision you make, not something you accidentally “fall” into.
Speaking the Language of Love
Many people have already heard or read about love languages, but here is a quick rundown if you have never heard of them. Gary Chapman wrote the book The Five Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts in 1992. Its premise is that there are five main ways that people give and receive love. These are:
- Acts of Service
- Physical Touch
- Quality Time
- Gifts
- Words of Affirmation
You take a survey to figure out your strongest areas of receiving love.
My strongest area used to be words of affirmation. I enjoyed it when people would “see” me and verbally acknowledge it.
As I have grown into adulthood, my area has shifted to acts of service. Now, I am head over heels for anyone who will offer to lend a helping hand. I still enjoy words of affirmation; however, now I appreciate the feet-to-pavement help a little more.
Physical touch is my lowest area. My friends can tell you… I am not the hugging type. I do hug now, but they had to train me. Ha, Ha, Ha. So if you get a hug from me, consider yourself special.
Lost in Translation
Confession time: I would love to come to this blog and tell you how observant I am and how I know everything about the people I love, but I can’t. Sometimes, I am a little oblivious to my friends and family’s love languages, not because I don’t care, but at times, I forget that my needs may differ from the needs of others.
For example, physical touch is not something that I need. So, the last thing I offer is a hug or pat on the back. Some people NEED physical touch because it can reduce stress.
Also, I’m not super big on getting a lot of gifts. Don’t get me wrong. I do like gifts. They are nice, but it’s not high on my list of receiving love and feeling appreciated.
I have learned that how I like to receive love may not be how my loved ones like to receive love.
Honoring the Language of Love
It is not easy to always honor your loved one’s love language. We tend to lean towards what gives us the most comfort, but if growing closer in love is what you want to do, try these three simple tips to help you deepen your connection.
- Learn your loved one’s love language. Have them take the survey and find out what makes them feel loved and appreciated.
- Enjoy the little things. There may be times when going big is the way to go, but practice making small deposits in your loved one’s emotional bank. You don’t have to max out your Visa and Mastercard. Small things like, “Hey, I know you like sushi, so I picked you up some while I was grocery shopping.” can go a long way.
- Practice makes progress! Would you want someone to show their love for you once a year? Neither would I. So we have to make it a point to make deposits regularly. It can be easier said than done. That’s why it’s called practice.
- Bonus Tip: Show appreciation in the other areas, too. Not just yours or their strong areas.
- Bonus Tip: Communication is important. Communication is one area that gets neglected a lot. The other person may be afraid to say something if you are not meeting their needs. Therefore, they suffer in silence. So both people must communicate with each other. The giver can check in occasionally to see if they are meeting needs, and the receiver can check in if they would like a little more (or less) of something.
I will admit…This one is hard for me. Like I said before, I was giving love how I liked to receive it. So when someone would communicate to me that they needed something different from me, I couldn’t understand that. I even was a little offended. I mean, I KNOW that THEY KNOW I love them!!!! Defensiveness is why people are sometimes afraid to tell you things, and you have to be open and willing to hear them and reflect honestly on what they are saying to you.
The Point of it All
Learning and honoring someone’s love language takes a little research and effort. However, if this is someone you genuinely care about, someone you want to show love for regardless of how you feel that day, week, etc., then it’s worth it.
Take care of your loved ones and yourself🫶🏾.
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