Listen to the commentary below. 👇🏾
Listen to the poem “Acknowledge Me” below. 👇🏾
Don’t worry. Be happy.
Toxic Positivity – Those two words sound like they go together like oil and water. Can being positive really be toxic?
This thought came up when my husband asked, “Can a person find the good even in bad situations?” I am a generally positive person. So, of course, I said yes. As we continued to talk, I started thinking about people that seem “overly” happy, and no matter the circumstance, they have a positive quote and are “allergic to negativity.”
Don’t get me wrong, I believe in surrounding myself with positive people that do not every day have something unpleasant to say, but I want those people to have enough emotional intelligence to recognize when I’m hurting and acknowledge my emotions. People that have toxic positivity fail to do that.
The official definition of toxic positivity is the act of avoiding, suppressing or rejecting negative emotions or experiences. This may take the form of denying your own emotions or someone else denying your emotions, insisting on positive thinking instead only. Psychology Today
People that have this character trait are usually well-intentioned. They may be sincerely trying to cheer you up, but it can be damaging and cause more harm than good. It can also be a form of gaslighting and have you questioning your reality. See my post on gaslighting. Part 1- Toxic People Series: Gaslighters. Toxic Positivity can send the signal that your emotions are not valid or you’re overreacting.
Things people with toxic positivity sometimes say:
- It could be worse.
- Everything happens for a reason.
- Look for the silver lining.
- Positive vibes only!
- Happiness is a choice!
What! I’m TOXIC???
You may have said some of these things before. I have. Does that mean we’re toxic? Well, it depends. I have said these things, especially to myself when I have been in “survival mode”. This means I’m going through a situation in life, and it’s not the right time (at that moment) to fall apart. I am pep-talking my way through it. It’s temporary, and I will allow time for myself to be angry, sad, or frustrated later, but at that moment, I just need to get through it.
People with toxic positivity allow NO TIME to feel negative emotions. Even when they come through survival mode, they continue to “stay positive” and will not allow anyone else to feel negative emotions in their presence.
There’s healing in feeling.
When you deny yourself or someone else the right to experience the whole spectrum of emotions, you are delaying or cutting out completely the healing process.
When my first marriage failed, I went through a series of emotions: Anger, sadness, frustration, apathy, etc. I had supportive friends that gave me the space to experience them all. If my friends would have said, “Oh Leeann, when we go out to dinner, positive vibes only!” or “Look on the bright side. There are other fish in the sea!” I would not have felt safe around them. I probably would have isolated myself, and it’s no telling what type of emotional condition I would be in now.
There may be a time when you will want to remain positive and look on the bright side, but it is also ok to feel sad or angry about a situation. Your feelings are valid, and if someone tries to shame or guilt you into being “positive vibes only!” you could be experiencing toxic positivity. You may have to find a different support system of friends or family that you can depend on in order not to stunt your growth and healing. You owe it to yourself to take care of yourself. 🫶🏾
