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What is Gaslighting?
Gaslighting is a form of manipulation in which the manipulator controls by tricking the victim into doubting their perception, memory, and sanity. The manipulator is very calculated in their actions.
Gaslighters are good at making their victims think they are overreacting and being irrational. When in reality, it is the gaslighter exploiting the situation. They may say things like:
- I did that because I love you.
- You’re being too sensitive.
- If you loved me, you would…
- You don’t feel that way.
- You’re imagining things.
- It’s not that big of a deal.
- You are crazy!
- That never happened!
- ETC.
Sneak Attack
Let’s talk for a moment about a retail sales fraud scheme called bait and switch. This is a tactic that is used by a store to entice potential buyers with a specific deal. When the customer arrives looking for the bargain, the store “no longer” has the item in stock. The customer is presented with a different deal, but of course, it will be more expensive.
Gaslighters use a bait-and-switch tactic called love bombing to gain control of a victim. They shower a person with gifts, praises, etc. to convince the victim they are in a safe space. Soon they begin using their manipulation tactics to gain control over the person.
Accidental Manipulation?
Sometimes people can unintentionally gaslight others by saying dismissive comments to the victims, such as the ones above. They may honestly not recognize that they’re gaslighting. The intent is not to be malicious and have them question themselves. The gaslighter may present false information to persuade the victim to see things through the gaslighter’s perspective. Even though malice may not be involved, the comments can be very harmful to someone.
Recognizing and Calling Out Gaslighting
Gaslighting can be problematic for victims to recognize. This is true especially if the victims are working to be better people. I believe this is because we are so sensitive to our behaviors. We analyze the things we say and do to make sure it is representative of who we want to be. So if someone says to us, “You’re being too sensitive.” or “It was only a joke!” we tend to question ourselves. “Maybe I did overreact. Maybe I misunderstood.”
If you are having trouble recognizing if someone is gaslighting you, it’s a good idea to get with a wise person you trust or a counselor that is not emotionally involved in the situation to talk to. You may discover that you are being gaslit. Let the gaslighter know, “I know what you are doing, and my feelings are valid.”
Gaslighting is a toxic behavior. It can create self-doubt and leave you questioning everything you thought you knew to be true. The manipulator’s goal is to gain power over you. Keep your eyes open for these tactics because they can sneak up on you before you know it and leave you confused. Take Care of yourself. 🫶🏾
Additional Resources on Gaslighting
- Total Body Inside Out – Empathy as an Excuse Not to Set Boundaries
- Britannica – What is Gaslighting
- Insider.com – How to respond to Gaslighting
