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Confession Time: There was once a time in my life when I saw good things happening to other people around me, and it made me sad. I was happy for them, but I was a little sad for myself. Why? I’ve come to realize that I was suffering from what I will call Comparison Syndrome. I wanted the people I cared about to have a good life, but I also thought that I deserved to have the same things they had as well. So when I compared my job, my weight loss, my financial situation, my relationships, my education, and even my “happiness” with theirs, I lost every time.
Comparison Syndrome is a sneaky little syndrome. You can think you are perfectly fine, and all of a sudden, you’re scrolling Instagram or Facebook, wondering why everybody is doing so good, and you’re not. You may be genuinely celebrating with friends an accomplishment, and later that night, you find yourself in a whirlwind of emotions trying to figure out where you went wrong in your life.
Comparison syndrome does not discriminate. It affects all ages, races, and social statuses. People always fall into the trap of wanting what someone else may have.
It is so prevalent and so sneaky that it can stop us from fulfilling our true destinies in life.
Distraction from Your Goals
What is the one thing that some women treat like they have an unlimited amount, spend frivolously, but once it’s gone, they can never get back? Time! Comparison Syndrome is a thief of time. It robs you of the time you would use to work on the goals you set for yourself. The time we could be spending planning our meals, looking at our budgets, or working on our mental health, we use for daydreaming about how our lives should be like someone else’s.
Success Without the Struggle?
Some people believe that the success of their friends and family happened overnight, and while that may occasionally be the case, it is far more the exception than the rule. Many people see a trophy at the end of the race, the promotion, or the final weigh-in of the goal weight. They miss all of the hard work that led up to the life wins: the hours of
practice, sore muscles, staying up late working on projects and choosing the salad over the donut.
Putting on a Show
What you see is not always what you get. Instagram and Facebook are prime examples of that. I remember I made some waffles one day, and one of them fell apart. I put it back together and added some delicious toppings to create a beautiful photo! Now, if this is what I can do with food, what do you think people can do with their relationships, financial situations, etcetera from behind a camera? Slap a smile on your face, add a nice caption, and you have a wonderful life. As cliché as it may sound, all that glitters is not gold. It could just be shiny glass. Don’t just see the outside and believe that’s always the reality.
Keeping Away the Comparison Monster
If you are regularly in a state of sadness or depression because you see success around you but don’t feel successful yourself, the comparison monster may have you. Do you constantly scroll through social media to find people to compare yourself to? You could be suffering from the comparison trap. If other people’s life journeys drive your self-esteem, you may have comparison syndrome.
Practice Gratitude
It is difficult to complain about your life when speaking out about how grateful you are for it. Some days this is easier said than done. You may be very far from feeling grateful some days. You may have to dig deep to find something, but the more you get into the practice of expressing things you are thankful for, the easier it will become.
It is a good idea to create a gratitude journal in a place that is easy to access. You can have a physical journal, but you could even have a simple list on your phone in a notes app. Showing gratitude allows you to analyze the events in your world and appreciate them. These can be simple things like, “I’m grateful for waking up this morning with the blankets still on me.” or “I’m grateful that I was able to make my breakfast this morning instead of eating out.” The more you practice this, you will begin searching for things to be grateful for, and the next thing you know, your focus on other people’s lives will decrease.
Compare Yourself to … Yourself
I have a vinyl quote on my wall that says, “The only person you should try to be better than is the person you were yesterday.” I tend to take this quote to heart. I want to know that I am moving toward my goals every day. Are there days I mess up? Of course! Some days I have to check myself to make sure I’m even moving forward and not backward! This quote helps me regain my focus and step back on the right path of my goal. If you spend time competing with the “you” from the day before, you will have no time to worry about what other people are doing.
The only person you should try to be better than was the person you were yesterday.
One Size Does Not Fit All
Comparing your wellness journey to another person’s can rob you of your time, your joy, and in the end, your destiny. The way you lose weight, budget, find balance, experience relationships, and simply live life will not look like other people’s. It is ok to seek out mentors and look for inspiration from people who have accomplished what you want to achieve. Just don’t let their success dictate your self-esteem, well-being, and identity. Enjoy your journey!
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