Love and Respect on Trial
My husband and I have just come off 3 days of arguments, I mean… spirited discussions about caring, respect, and love.
We both gave our best opening statements, testimonies, and closing arguments. We even had witnesses take the stand! We eventually settled in on a few truths. Marriage IS HARD.
We can choose to make it work OR not.
We both bring in our past experiences, perspectives, and personal preferences (the good, bad, and ugly), and these things set the stage for how we:
- think about each other,
- behave with each other,
- respond to each other.
Essential Traits of a Marriage
In marriage, you may love that special someone, and they may love you back, but the song that says “love is all you need” is incomplete.
You will also need:
Self-Reflection: This should be at the top of the list. Why? Because when both people sincerely reflect and work on their behaviors, they take control of their actions and there’s less room to blame others.
Kindness: Am I showing consideration and caring for my partner? Do I show concern for things they are concerned about?
Consistency: Am I dependable? Am I constant with what I say I will do?
Respect: Am I civil and polite, especially in disagreements? Am I appreciative of my partner and showing consideration for them?
Trust: Am I honest with my partner? Am I reliable?
Communication: Am I giving the same attention to detail when listening as I am when speaking? Do I listen to understand or listen to respond?
Empathy: Am I looking at life through my partner’s eyes to try and understand their perspective?
The Truth About Love and Life
Here’s what sometimes happens. We fall in love and have ooey-gooey feelings for each other. During this time, we do all of the above things. We have a honeymoon phase when we get married. Sometimes this is an extended period, and sometimes it’s not. During this honeymoon phase, life happens: real life…hard life, and even though you may believe that you and your partner are as strong as steel, scales begin to cover your eyes. You both may become blind to each other’s needs because you’re living in survival mode. After a while, you and/or your partner may become disgruntled.
Path of Neglect or Renewal
At this point, it’s time to make a few key decisions. Do we continue on the path of neglect and watch things deteriorate before our eyes, or do we make a conscious effort to strengthen our marriage? No marriage is immune to conflict; therefore, possessing a heart of self-reflection is essential in navigating challenges effectively.
What we prioritize in our marriage will ultimately determine the level of joy and fulfillment that we experience together. Take care of your partner and yourself 🫶🏾.
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