What would you do if someone came into your house trying to hurt your family or rob you of your belongings? Would you sit down to watch them or help them pack up their car? Of course not! You would flee for safety, fight to protect your home, or call the police.
Why is it that we are willing to do whatever is necessary to protect our physical space and belongings, but we willingly allow self-sabotage and distractions to take over our mental and emotional space?
Our Brains and Our Emotions
Our brains are amazing organs. They are the life forces of our bodies. They allow us to complete automatic actions that we never have to think about such as blinking, swallowing, digestion, etc. Our brains are also the control centers for our emotions and our motivations. This area is called our limbic system.
Emotional wellness means being aware of and accepting your emotions. It is also having the ability to deal with the challenges and changes of life. For many women, we can uplift our family and friends with encouragement and positivity, but when it comes to ourselves, our limbic system takes our emotions hostage and begins to produce negative self-talk.
We say things like:
- Stupid me!
- I will never understand this.
- No one wants me around.
One common form of negative self-talk is catastrophizing, where you are always looking for the worst things to happen in your life.
How Negative Self Talk Affects Your Life
As we engage in negative self-talk, we begin to self-sabotage things that we want to do. We deter ourselves from working on a project, going out for a job, writing our book, etc. Sometimes we tell ourselves that we are not as smart as this person, we can’t retain the information like we used to, or we aren’t qualified to share on a subject. We voluntarily create imaginary boundaries of why we are not worthy to achieve our goals. Then we beat ourselves up for not doing the thing that we wanted to do. We are left unfulfilled while we sit and watch other people live our dreams.
Breaking Away From Negative Thinking
Breaking away from the cycle of negative self-talk is not always easy. Sometimes we don’t even realize we are doing it. So the first step to changing your mindset is becoming aware that you are doing it. How is that possible when you may not even know that it is happening?
- Surround yourself with a small circle of positive thinking women that will encourage you and uplift you when you don’t have it in you to do it yourself. These women will call your attention to times when your negativity is affecting your well-being and help you steer your thinking back to a positive road.
- Limit your time around people who project their fears and insecurities from their life on you. Have you ever been around a person that was insecure about their abilities to succeed in life, therefore they discouraged you from following your dreams and goals? These are not people that you want to share your vision with. You will end up thinking like them.
- Be intentional about affirming yourself. Think about the type of person you want to be in life. Then speak on it! If you have accomplished the life goals you set out to complete, this is the time to pat yourself on the back. It’s not bragging. You are doing for yourself what we do for others we love. If you have not become the person you want to be yet, you still are the person that you are supposed to be right now. Stand in the mirror and talk to yourself. (It may feel awkward at first.) Write affirming words down on a sticky note. Set a reminder on your phone with a positive affirmation . For positive affirmation ideas, click here!
- Read uplifting literature daily. My go-tos are positive quotes and the Bible. Whatever encourages you to keep moving forward is what you should read.
- Visit with a professional. Some people refuse to talk to a counselor because they see it as taboo. They believe people will think they are crazy or negatively look at them. I believe that if you have the intelligence to know you can’t do it yourself and the courage to find someone that can help you process your emotions, then you are wise.
Your well-being is worth the effort!
It does take effort to make sure your mind does not turn against you. You can use your resources and alter your behavior which will train your brain to control your emotions instead of being controlled by your emotions. You will have a healthier relationship with yourself which will produce healthier relationships with the ones you love. What are some ways you keep negative thinking at bay in your life? Comment down below.
“The man who thinks he can and the man who thinks he can’t are both right.” – Confucius
Very good topic on self awareness and not allowing negative words, people or circumstances to control our outlook on life or ourselves!! As women we tend to put ourselves last when it comes to our family or even sometimes friends. By doing that we leave ourselves vulnerable for negative self talk or toward a emotional wreak!! Therefore it is important to surround yourself with positive people, or things that feed your mind, body and soul! So meditate and have quiet time to reflect how important you are to yourself. Love yourself, believe in yourself and know you are worthy as woman to have everything you believe God has In store for you!!
I totally agree, and private quiet time is a great way to get in touch with yourself.